Dear Kumkwat,
So what is it like being born in 2010? What memories will you have? I suppose in a sense you only really know what it is like being born in the year you were actually born. So being born in 1978 my first memories are of Pac-man and E.T. and Rubik's cubes. What are the things that influence your early memories? It is funny to think that you will feel the same way about Pac Man and Rubik's cubes as I do about the decade of my dad's first memories; of Howdy Doody and Buddy Holiday and I Love Lucy.
What about your mother and me? How do you think we have done as parents? What have we done right? What have we doen wrong? What do you wish we had done differently? This has been on my mind a lot lately. Here I am coming to the end of 2009 with you kicking inside your Mommy's tummy. And so today, how should I think, how should I act, how should I pray in order to do right by you as a father?
There are many things I would hope that you would say if you were to reflect on our parenting. I hope that we have parented in such a way that you are tender hearted. That you want to be kind. That you would be compassionate. That you would think of others beofre yourself.
Even more so I would hope that you would be wise. Not just knowlegable. Not just understanding. But wise. That your words may benifit those who hear them. And even as I think about it being truly wise would mean you were truly compassionate. That you would be truly tender hearted towards others.
But even if you lived a life that was both wise and compassionate and that was it, I would feel like I failed you as a father. You see my life, you mother's life and or marriage together are rooted in both these things. But they are secondary to us. The primary foundation for us is Christ. I mean if nothing else I fully intend that you will know, "Yeah Dad is a passionate guy. He is passionate about math, about the NFL, about Star Trek. But there is nothing that he is more passionate about then Jesus."
That is acually more important to me. So on the one hand you might end up saying, "Man he was great Dad. He was loving. He was a good listener. He was strong. He alway made time. But this God that he beleives in doesn't really cut it for me." Honestly that would break my heart. But on the other hand if you said, "You know my Dad made lots of mistakes. There were times when he wasn't wise, when he wasn't fair when he wasn't kind. But I trust the God he trusted". I mean I want to be wise, kind and fair. But lets face it I won't be all the time. I just long for you to look away from me and look to him.
But even so I would go even one step further. As bad a flat out rejection would be, it would be far worse if you called yourself a Christian simply out of obligaiton and think that the main reason to follow this God is because that was what Mom and Dad did. And then to come to the end of you life and realise it was just for show. That every one else thought you were a Christian, but deep down you were a fake. Oh that is far far worse.
I truly beleive if the evidence is weighed out Christ will win. Not me and not even an organization. But long after I am gone, Christ will win. So I long for you to say, "I want to be clear thinker. I want be be some one of reason." That will put a smile on my face. You bet it will. So if you were to come to me and say, "You know Dad, I know how much you love God. But I am having a hard time beleiving in him right now." If that day comes I hope to welcome you with open arms. And I want to walk along side you through that. In that day I want my faith to be shaken just as much as yours faith. I want you to live for Christ and I want you to see me doing the same.
I want to do right by you. I can't wait to meet you.
Your dad,
David H Chapman
Thursday, December 31, 2009
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