I'm tired of studying for this final, So I am posting some thoughts about Peanut Butter

Tomorrow is my Probability Final. My Lie Algebra and Commutative Algebra are long behind me. All that is left is Probability. So for the last week I have had my nose in a Probability book nearly all day every day. It's going to be tough.

So as my Tuesday evening studying is winding down I notice the label one of my empty Peanut Butter Jars. It has a great big "#1" on it with the words "Choice of Choosey moms". Now here is how the fried brain of some one who has been staring at theoretical probability thinks about that statement:

Hmm what percentage of the set of all moms is the subset of moms who are also choosy? What is the probability that if I select a mom at random that mom will satisfy the conditions of being choosy? Come to think of it what DOES make a mom a choosy mom? Do there exist moms in the world that would not define them selves choosy? Or is it determined by the kids? For an example there could exist a mom who considers herself rather choosy, but if you were to ask her kids they would say that mom is not very choosy at all. If this was the case would you define her to be choosy, or would she fall into the category of non-choosy moms? Apparently those are the types of moms that Peanut butter company's frown upon.

All right so lets suppose we have figured out the "choosy" part of this sticky situation. Can we in fact precisely determine what the number one peanut butter in the opinion of these so called choosy moms? I'm guessing there might be quite a few of them. Are you polling ALL of them or only a select few? And even if you were to accurately poll the entire earth's population of choosy mom how would you weight the voting? Surely there exists at least one choosy mom who has another Peanut Butter as choice number one. And there clearly exist three or more brands of Peanut Butter in the world. So there may not even be a single peanut butter that holds a pure majority of choosy mom's votes. Would that Peanut Butter still be number one? And would it not be valid to some how also weight the second and third place votes. Like Jif might hold 34 percent of the choosy mom vote while no other Peanut butter holds more than about 25. But then suppose that all 34 percent would take Skippy as a second choice while the non-Jif voting choosy mom DESPISE Jif not even ranking it in the top five. While 90 percent of mom's might put Skippy in the top three. You see in a two Peanut butter system that would never be a problem. But clear our world is a three or more Peanut Butter system. Our choosy problem it kind of in a tailspin here.

There clearly is an easy solution here. Do what any good Mathematician would do, redefine the terms. So I will ignore your reality and substitute my own. Let us define the set of "Choosy" moms to be the set of all moms who are either executives of the Jif Peanut Butter Company or married to an executive at the Jif Peanut Butter Company. This is clearly a reasonably smaller group of moms to survey and I am fairly certain that this group of "Choosy" moms have a very high probability of choosing Jif.”

On that note I think I am heading to bed. I wonder what is the probability that there will be any Peanut Butter questions on my final tomorrow?

So I was in Cincinnati with Rahcel this last weekend. I have many photos but this one is by far my favorite. Rachel just looks so happy. We were sitting on a park bench near a pond. The best part was there was a sign near that pond that had some braile written on it. I said "Isn't it nice that there is braile to tell blind people about the pond that the can't see. We started to wonder what places in the world might have braile signs. Rachel said "The Swiss Alps" I said "The Grand Cayon". Anyhoo this picture makes me smile.

Total Chaos and Total Control

This semester I am taking a course on probability theory. It’s been a fascinating class. One basic concept is that any system involving chance will have some level of control and some level of chaos. For an example consider coin-flipping verses rolling dice. With coin flipping you can have either heads or tails, each has a 50% chance of happening. As for a die you have 6 possible out comes, making the system more complicated. So coin flipping is more controlled, while dice rolling is more chaotic. Also each of these systems is much more controlled compared to say lottery tickets.

Here is another way of looking at it. Suppose you wanted to come up with some number between 0 and 100, but you are going to use American coins to represent that number. How many numbers can you come up with using only quarters? Well that is five: {0,25,50,75,100} How many more could you get using dimes? Or nickels? Or pennies? Each time you are adding more and more numbers making the system more and more chaotic.

So in upper level math we want to think about probability in a general sense. Every system will lie between two extremes: A system of total chaos or a system of total control. Now in probability the chance of something happening is between 0% and 100%. In a system of total chaos anything can happen: 55.29%, 99.44%. You know the number pi? Well in a system of total chaos you could have 3.14159265358979….% chance of happening. Imagine taking that system with coins I mentioned earlier and now add coins worth pi cents. How many outcomes can you get now? I know what you are thinking, “Yuck, how am I suppose to figure that out?” That is exactly what total chaos is, you have no idea what is going to happen. Say jigawatt remember learning about Borel sets last year? Well the rest of you should feel lucky you didn’t. Let me just say that a system of total chaos is very nasty indeed.

The other extreme is a system of total control. There are only two possible outcomes: 0% or 100%. Either some happens or it doesn’t, end of story. There is a guaranteed yes or a guaranteed no. There is no middle or the road.

So basically in probability theory (like in most math) you want to move away from the complicated and towards the simple. So you take any old system and try to boil it down away from the chaos and towards the control.

So this Fall Pastor Scott has been preaching through the book of Hebrews. The system in the Old Testament was a good system, however it wasn’t perfect. You had to approach God through a high priest. What is the probability that any given priest would be faithful? What are the odds that he would intercede appropriately? 17%, 64% 96%? What the author of Hebrews says is that we have a new high priest that is much more consistent. The old system was only a shadow. This new system is the reality.

So I have busy schedule right now. I am taking class while teaching classes at the same time. There are times when I find myself dealing with stress and anxiety. This week I was sitting in my probability class learning about total chaos and total control. This thought came into my head. “Dave what is the probability that Jesus is anxious right now? 0% What is the probability that he is righteous right now? 100%” Everything in this world, even the good things, have some level of chaos. The only constant is Christ. Total Control; that is a good way to describe him. Jesus is always kind, he never lies, he will never leave us, and he will never forsake us. He is always holy, he is always just, and he is always good. 0% or 100% with Christ there are no other options.

Marchingbands, apathy and fabric softener

Saturday I got to enjoy LSU football tailgating experience. I didn't have tickets to the game. But I did watch the band march to the stadium. My roommate Brian had tickets so I met up with him and his buddy Clay. while waitng for the band to come down the hill I was talking with Clay.

"My girlfriend and her roommate are watching a play about Amish people today."

Clay looked at me and said, "Why? Its LSU game day. Why aren't they here?"

"Um ... cause they live in Indiana."

"Oh." He said, "Well they've got college football in Indiana."

Yes they do and Notre Dame is 0 and 2 right now. To think that after the Michigan game one of those teams will be 0 and 3. Also from my understanding Rachel said she would have enjoyed a football game more than the play. And that is saying a lot because she is always making fun of my love for American sports that don't involve a puck. =P

So I watched the first quarter of the game over at the Christian Student Center south of campus. One of the kids said, "You know the real opposite of love is not hate. It's apathy." They were joking around about dispensing apathy on one another. At one point I found myself enjoying the game in one of the more comfortable chairs. After a while I decided to get up for my second helping of hamburgers. When I got back I found that one of the kids had taken my seat. I looked at him and said "Do you apathy me?"

Sunday after church I went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. Now have you ever had a piece of modern technology that was irrationally overwhelming to you. You know that it should be easy to use, but for some reason you are scared to use it because you might do something wrong. I don't know, like a gas pump or something. ;) Well to be honest I kind of feel that way about washingmachines. I mean I get the whole whites verses darks thing. But warm then cold, or is it boiling hot then lukewarm. And there is that knob that says delicates verse sturdy verse other kinds of things. I mean I'm a 29 year old guy. My wardrobe seems to be fairly simple. I put the Tide in the machine, I put in my clothes, I turn the one knob to hot, I turn the other knob to normal and everything seems to work out fine.

Any who back to Sunday. I am in Walmart getting groceries. I reach the laundry detergent isle and panic sets in. I am looking for a bottle that has one word on it, "Tide". That bottle wasn't there. Oh there were bottles that said Tide, but they had all sorts of crazy other things on them. There was Tide with bleach, I've seen that bottle before. I have been fearful of that one because legend has it that bleach can eat through clothes. There is one bottle that say "Tide money saving cold water blah blah ... and other things". That is much more complicated then the hot knob plus normal knob equals done laundry. Then there's a bottle that says "Tide with Febreeze". What??? Isn't that the stuff the use to clean your windshield wipers? I mean all I need is Tide, T-I-D-E! I am afraid if I use one of these other things I am going to turn my clothes green or something else that is very bad.

Finally I find a bottle that seems reasonable, "Tide with Downey". Now I know what Downey is. That was the commercial back in the eighties with the Teddy bear bouncing on a stack of towels. Tide with fabric softener. Ok so I put Tide with Downey in the machine, I put in my clothes, I turn the one knob to hot, I turn the other knob to normal and everything will be soft like the Teddy bear. We can handle that. =D

I am planning on doing my laundry during the Bengal vs Ravens football game tonight. I hope every comes out OK, for the Bengals and my clothes.

Dumb movie quotes.

Now I know what you are asking: Are you talking about dumb movies or are you talking about dumb quotes that happen to be from movies? My answer is yes. Actually not quiet, I do like some of the movies I am going to quote. In any case the quotes are very, very dumb.

My first quote is from the Matrix. It’s fun, but the movie takes itself way too seriously.

Trinity: They are killing machines designed for one purpose.
Dozer: Seek and destroy.

Think about that for a second. “They are gardening machines designed for one purpose: Car waxing and poodle shaving.” So which one purpose are they designed for: do they seek or do they destroy? Through out the Matrix they use this type of language. “I’m here to teach you ONE thing”, “Let me sing you ONE song”, “For breakfast I will cook you ONE thing. There is no option: bacon or eggs, not both!” Ok maybe I am going a little over board, but you get the picture.

My next quote is from a movie I love, “The Empire Strikes Back.” At one point Luke asks Yoda about the future. Luke says:

“Will they die?”

Yoda then proceeds to close his eyes and say:

“Very difficult to see.”

Well I wonder why? I am imagining movie commentary for John Madden “Now here is a Jedi Master who when he opens his eyes he can see better.”

Another movie that is fun, but takes itself too seriously is “Field of Dreams”. Yes I moved to Iowa as a tenth grader. There are bumper stickers all over that say, “Is this heaven? No, it’s Iowa.” I like my mother’s version of the line “Is this heaven?” You respond with deadpan, bored look on your face, “No, it’s Iowa.”

But that wasn’t the quote I was going to bring up. The following line is in my opinion one of the ultimate quotes of cultural isolationism.

“The one constant through all the years Ray has been baseball.”

Hey people of war torn Afghanistan, do you know what is the ONE constant through ALL the years? Hey tribal people of Vanuatu off the coast on New Zealand, do you know what is the ONE constant through ALL the years?

The amazing thing about this quote is it not only reflects cultural ignorance but historical ignorance as well. I thought baseball was invented in the 1860’s. I guess I was wrong. So how did the Aztec Indians feel about the in-field fly rule? And did Gangues Khan and his Mongolian hordes observe the seventh inning stretch? How do you say, “Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks” in ancient Mongolian?

“The one constant through all the years Ray has been seek and destroy.”

All right Mel Gibson has had some good action films, but in my opinion “Conspiracy Theory” was not one of them. There is one point in which Julia Roberts is standing in a cemetery looking at a tombstone and she says:

“I miss your face.”

Now I appreciate the sentiment and all, but let’s be honest that line is dumb. The first time I saw this movie in the theatres, when I heard that line I nearly died laughing. And if I had died would somebody have missed MY face?

My final movie quote is from an amazingly dumb movie. The name of the movie is “Speed 2”. I have only seen this movie once and have avoided it like the plague since. Most quotes I have deliberately deleted from my brain so I don’t have an exact quote. But I am going to give you an approximation of the quote and then explain it.

“Blah blah blah Chainsaw blah blah.”

Now what is the context of this line? “Speed 2” is a sequel to the movie “Speed” which is about a bus that is traveling at 70 miles per hour and if it slows down it will blow up. In the sequel there is now a huge ocean faring cruise liner that is traveling at some ridiculous speed and if it slows down it will also blow up. At one point somebody is locked in a room on this boat. And Sandra Bullock is trying to get the person out. Then she say something like, “Quick, hand me that chainsaw over there.” or maybe she say “I wish I could bust through this door. Look a chainsaw. I can use that!”

This line makes me ponder. (hmm …hmm) Suppose I were the captain of an OCEAN TRAVELING VESSEL. So I am standing on shore and making plans for the trip. “Did we forget something?” I might ask. “Well we have the life rafts. Oh and we have got the life jackets. Yes plenty of those. Let’s see navigation equipment, flares. What am I forgetting? Hold on I’ve got it!! WE FORGOT THE CHAINSAW!”

I mean if you are watching a movie like “The strapping, Oregon mountain man” or “Norwegian Chainsaw juggling: a tale of love.” It might seem reasonable to hear and line like “Quick, hand me that chainsaw.” But if you are watching “Speed 2: the really fast moving cruise liner that by the way is in the ocean and as far a forest as you can possibly get.” Then the line “Quick, hand me that chainsaw”, seems a little out of place.

Actually now that I think about it “Quick, hand that chainsaw” is a dumb line. And if you hear it, then you are watching a dumb movie.

My second post: the mathfridge has landed

I made this comment on my facebook about a year ago, but I think it is worthy to bring up again. It is fall once again on the LSU
campus. That means two things, football and hot weather clothing. As a
Christian guy I kind of want to gouge my eyes out with a spoon.
Fortunately I am quiet near sighted so I find myself often taking my
glasses off. Then I start thinking about the lovely architecture instead of campus wardrobe or lack there of.

What would people think if I went walking around campus wearing spaghetti
straps and a mini skirt? They would think yuck I don't want to see
that. That's right I don't either. I understand the need to dress
comfortably, but I think I am comfortable in knee length shorts and a
normal t-shirt.

Any who, I am excited about the LSU football season. And like most of the campus I am whistling the fight song and pumped about hearing the Golden band from Tigerland. But in light of my above thoughts, I rewrote the lyrics about a year ago. Here is a link:

http://www.fightmusic.com/sec.html

Scroll down to the LSU
section and click on "Hey Fighting Tigers". I do have the real lyrics
memorised, but I thought you might enjoy my revised version.

I love Capris! Oh I love Capris!
I'm so happy not to see your knees!
I want to see less I don't want to see more.
I'm impressed with the girl in the dress
whose hem goes to the floor.

If you could rise up the neck line high on the shirt
In fact I would think a sweater wouldn't hurt.
With an outfit that's full of cotton and wool
And a whole lot less to view.
Modesty I love you!

Dave is now a blogger

Greetings to all who are reading this,

I figured It is about time I start my own Blog. I have been posting my thoughts on facebook a while now, so I suppose that bloging is the natural next step.

If you don't know me me name is Dave Chapman. I am 29 years old and living in Baton Rouge Louisiana. I am a graduate student in the LSU math department and I am working on getting my Phd. I grew up in up state New York. Specifically Webster which is a suburb of Rochester, right on Lake Ontario. I spent my high school and college years in Iowa. I have two younger brothers. My brother Jon is 25. He just got married in April and he and his wife Kari are living in Iowa City. They are both doing research, he is working in Biology and she is working in Chemestry. My brother Alex will be turning 22 in less a month. He is A Senior at Simpson college which in near Des Monies. My parents live in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. My Dad is a Pastor and my Mom in a coordinator in the education department of Graceland College. My mother's father live in Sherman New York, which is between Jamestown and Erie Pennsylvania. And my father's parents live in Cincinnati. GO BENGALS!

So yeah, a pretty boring first blog I know, but you have to start somewhere. I promise to be more exciting in my next post.

Dave